The Closet
I have a closet in my mind that I have used to protect my heart
And with each unbearable life experience
Determined to push forward and go on
To persevere and to rise above
I’ve thrown what I couldn’t face to the side
For life hardly seems to lend me the time and opportunity to really deal
To fully heal
To piece together a complete meal
That will sustain me
And so, I cope the best way I’ve known how
By tossing what I couldn’t process
And neglecting what I couldn’t digest
Into this closet
And at first, it wasn’t so bad
Everything neatly contained and out of the way
I pushed forward and went on
I persevered and I rose above
I even found a way to love
Despite the fear and pain that were hidden within
This closet
But left unattended to, except for further contributions to
The closet became a jumbled mess of emotions
And every time I set out to clean and organize the disheveled space
It seemed almost an impossible task to face
And so, I closed the door once again
Determined to shine and win
To achieve in spite of
But life never slowed down enough
And before I knew it, the closet was no longer sufficient
To contain all that I wanted to put in it
And with each new experience and painful situation
I found myself struggling to close the door
After an avalanche of unresolved issues
Spilled out of the closet
Yet, I’d somehow find a way to manage to get it all back in there
If only I could leave it shut
If only people would just do right
If only everyone I loved, loved me back, in equal measure
If only what I was trying to contain in the closet
Didn’t continue to surface and show itself outside
But it did
And it does
Unfortunately, I can no longer open that closet door
Without everything I’ve thrown inside spilling out
And this closet in my mind no longer protects my heart
Overwhelmed, I become
As I take in this mess that I’ve essentially created for myself
Without the slightest idea of how to begin to clean it up
But I must
With the full knowledge and awareness that because I haven’t
When new painful experiences happen
I can’t even tell what I’m responding to anymore
Love keeps no record, yet I’m steady keeping score
Of everything that has ever hurt me in my life
And I’m tired
So item by item, I will deal with this closet in my mind
And piece by piece, I will heal until I’m able to find
The strength to leave the door open
Do less fearing and more hoping
Continue my constructive coping
Storing those valuable lessons
But tossing the hurt I associate with them
I must go back so I can go forward
With Sankofa inked on my skin
I’m still determined to shine and win
To achieve, in spite of
Life never slowing down enough for me to clear the closet
I will
Heal.
And with each unbearable life experience
Determined to push forward and go on
To persevere and to rise above
I’ve thrown what I couldn’t face to the side
For life hardly seems to lend me the time and opportunity to really deal
To fully heal
To piece together a complete meal
That will sustain me
And so, I cope the best way I’ve known how
By tossing what I couldn’t process
And neglecting what I couldn’t digest
Into this closet
And at first, it wasn’t so bad
Everything neatly contained and out of the way
I pushed forward and went on
I persevered and I rose above
I even found a way to love
Despite the fear and pain that were hidden within
This closet
But left unattended to, except for further contributions to
The closet became a jumbled mess of emotions
And every time I set out to clean and organize the disheveled space
It seemed almost an impossible task to face
And so, I closed the door once again
Determined to shine and win
To achieve in spite of
But life never slowed down enough
And before I knew it, the closet was no longer sufficient
To contain all that I wanted to put in it
And with each new experience and painful situation
I found myself struggling to close the door
After an avalanche of unresolved issues
Spilled out of the closet
Yet, I’d somehow find a way to manage to get it all back in there
If only I could leave it shut
If only people would just do right
If only everyone I loved, loved me back, in equal measure
If only what I was trying to contain in the closet
Didn’t continue to surface and show itself outside
But it did
And it does
Unfortunately, I can no longer open that closet door
Without everything I’ve thrown inside spilling out
And this closet in my mind no longer protects my heart
Overwhelmed, I become
As I take in this mess that I’ve essentially created for myself
Without the slightest idea of how to begin to clean it up
But I must
With the full knowledge and awareness that because I haven’t
When new painful experiences happen
I can’t even tell what I’m responding to anymore
Love keeps no record, yet I’m steady keeping score
Of everything that has ever hurt me in my life
And I’m tired
So item by item, I will deal with this closet in my mind
And piece by piece, I will heal until I’m able to find
The strength to leave the door open
Do less fearing and more hoping
Continue my constructive coping
Storing those valuable lessons
But tossing the hurt I associate with them
I must go back so I can go forward
With Sankofa inked on my skin
I’m still determined to shine and win
To achieve, in spite of
Life never slowing down enough for me to clear the closet
I will
Heal.
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