What I Learned About Love from My Bra

About a year ago, I did something small that turned out to be quite meaningful:  I got fitted for a bra.  They say that the average woman wears the wrong bra size, and having large breasts, I considered that I was probably in this category.  I had no idea, until that fitting, just how horribly I was treating my body.

I won’t go into my personal details, but I will state that I discovered during that session that I was wearing bras that were 3 cup sizes too small with a band size that was too big.  I also learned that 90% of a bra’s support is supposed to come from the BAND, not the straps.  The straps only lend 10%.  Because I had been wearing the wrong bra size, my straps were attempting to lend the additional support that my band could not provide, and as a result, I experienced constant pain in my shoulders.  But, I had grown so accustomed to this WRONG FIT that when the lady put on a bra that actually fit, as it was supposed to, it felt awkward...uncomfortable even.  I was asking her if the straps should be tighter, because I didn’t feel them pulling on my shoulders.  What I really should have said was, “hey, isn’t this supposed to hurt???” because in essence, that’s what I meant.  She assured me that the bra was as it should be, and that many women experience a similar reaction to the RIGHT FIT because they’ve been wearing the wrong one for so long.

Honestly, it took me about a good two weeks to both physically and mentally adjust to wearing the right fit.  I did play around with the straps a few times, and I had to FORCE myself to accept that I actually COULD and SHOULD have a bra that does not hurt.

While this could be a lesson in and of itself, to women out there who have grown accustomed to wearing the wrong-sized bra… in this experience, I realized that people everywhere have similar experiences and reactions when it comes to relationships.  And that is why I shared this bra-fitting story, because I was one of them.

You see, just as with the bra, I’ve been in all kinds of wrong fits in the relationship department.  And, truth be told, THEY HURT!  And sadly, I’d become so accustomed to the lack of support and the pain that it’s almost what I expected.  I would have never considered myself a bitter or angry woman.  And I never would have admitted outloud that my experiences had disheartened me to the point where I’d given up hope that I COULD and SHOULD experience a loving relationship that doesn’t hurt.  But, I was lying to myself and everyone else.  And I know this because, when I FINALLY found myself with a right fit, it felt awkward at first…uncomfortable even.  I knew, just like I did with the new bra, that it was indeed the right fit; it just took some getting used to because I’d grown so accustomed to the pain that I expected it.  As such, I had to mentally and emotionally adjust to being with someone that treated me right.  I had to force myself to accept that I deserved a healthy, happy, loving, and supportive relationship that doesn’t hurt.

Just like a good-fitting bra, a relationship should lift you up, make you feel good, and support you…and it’s not supposed to hurt.  It’s supposed to ADD to your comfort and security, not TAKE AWAY from it.  It’s purposed to do more for you than you can do yourself.  I remember the days of feeling RELIEVED *as soon as* I got home and took that ill-fitted bra off.  It was like I could finally breathe.   Similarly, I can recall the times when, after I stopped crying, I realized a relief after shedding a relationship that wasn’t right for me.  I could breathe again, no longer holding my breath and waiting for the knot in the pit of my stomach to ease up.  I was no longer trying to stuff more into a man/relationship than he had the capacity to receive (and adequately support).  I was no longer enduring pain for the sake of what seemed better than nothing at all.  But now that I have experienced what love is supposed to feel like, I’m almost ashamed and embarrassed that I dealt with the wrong fit for so long.

I had my reasons for wearing bras I knew didn’t fit me.  They were cheap and easy to find.  I honestly and truly thought it was better than nothing.  I knew that if I wanted a bra that truly fit me, because of my size, I’d have to spend 10 times what the smaller and averaged breasted woman would have to spend. They could go to their local Wal-Mart or Target and find a bra their size; I couldn’t.  If I wanted a bra that fit, I’d have to wait, because what was right for me does not come a dime a dozen.  In the back of my mind, I knew that the man for me would be one for whom I’d have to wait.  I knew that he’d be just as unique as I am.  And most importantly, I knew that he’d have to have the capacity to receive and adequately support all that I am.  I love how everyday he makes me realize just how wrong those other relationships were by being exactly what I needed, wanted, and deserved all along.  I appreciate that he was patient with me as I adjusted to the love he offered, and even as I went LOOKING for pain and found none to be there, he understood.  And I am happy that while his words are beautiful and heartfelt, they mean that much more to me because they are confirmed and reaffirmed by his actions.  I’m in awe, as I watch this man effortlessly mend my broken heart, and tenderly love me in a way that I never thought was possible.  I’m amazed that, though in my mind he’s done and does enough, he still wants to do and be more for me, because that’s just how worthy he thinks I am.  He loves me. And it is because of him, and my good-fitting bras, that I can now confidently say that love is not supposed to hurt.