I can definitely say that one of the best things that I learned in my Masters of Education program is seeking and capitalizing on "teachable moments". Often, teachers (who are just human like the rest of us) can fall victim to the rudimentary structure of the classroom and miss very real and substantial moments to teach. Many of our K-12 classrooms are missing the depth that is so essential to bridging the gap between knowledge (simply knowing things) and wisdom (being able to apply said knowledge). It pained me to study Bloom's Taxonomy and realize that most of the children in the average classroom are barely getting past the first three levels. But I digress; having studied this but not yet being afforded the opportunity to teach other people's children, I apply what I've learned in my own education to that of my children. While I am a working mother and do not get to spend an excessive amount of time with my children, I try as best I can to not miss teachable moments in their lives. Instead, I seek them and try to use them to nurture within their minds and spirits what I believe will one day be essential to their successful navigation through this thing called life.
A few weeks ago, I found myself downtown at the Underground with Warren, and decided we should stop through and have lunch while we were there. It surprised me that as we walked through a group of teenagers (who should have been at school) dancing on the floor, a lesbian couple (both scantily clad) holding hands, a pregnant teenager pushing a stroller with her belly hanging out of her halter top, countless young men with tattoos all over their bodies, saggy pants, and hairstyles I've never seen before, along with the loud and obnoxious salemen singing made up songs about the "Chinese" food they were selling, my seven year old son, among people of his own color and race.....was scared! As we dined, I watched his eyes scan the crowd and watch the people, and every several minutes he would ask me, "Mommy, why are they acting like this?"
Having been raised as an inner city kid myself, I generally don't fear other black people. Sure, I recognize that there are thugs and criminals out and about. But for the most part, I know that my people are a God-fearing, kind-hearted, soulful kind of people, who have beaten the odds, survived what would have been genocide for most, and continue to be producers of the world's greatest (from the arts to the fields/courts, from the classrooms to the boardrooms, and from the streets to the labs and hospitals, my people hold it down!) Imagine my shock to realize as much of an education that I have given to Warren, I've missed teaching him
1.) not to judge a book by its cover 2.) not to fear other black people based on how they look and 3.) the basics of race relations in this country - that many people, white and black, are guilty of doing points 1 and 2, and will probably continue to do so through his lifetime.
Thus, this lunch at Underground Atlanta became a teachable moment.
On that day, I taught my son that you can never sum up or determine what or who a person is just by looking at them. You can get an idea, but if not based on anything of substance and depth, that summation could be a grave misrepresentation of that person. For example, one look at me and people could lump me into a category of "single mothers with chidren from different fathers" and determine that I led a promiscuous lifestyle, that I was on welfare, and that I didn't know who my children's fathers were. None of this is true. They would probably never guess that I worked my way through college and have a degree in aerospace engineering or bought my first home at the age of 25. It's dangerous assuming that you can tell a person's past just by looking at them, and it's even more detrimental when you use that generalization to determine their future. Sadly, there are so many people in positions of power and influence who do exactly that. Our government decides to invest more money in building jails and prisons while shutting down schools because they assume, BASED ON WHAT THEY SEE TODAY, that our children's future will be categorized by imprisonment instead of education. Everyone's got a story. But even book jackets leave out the details that REALLY tell you what the book is about. The jacket simply serves to draw you in and catch your attention. But if you never took the time to read the book in its entirety, you'd never discover the amazing plot twists, the surprising way the hero saved the day, or the moments that defined and gave depth to the main characters. You'd be remiss to judge someone by their appearance; and it ultimately will be at your own loss. For you never know who can end up being a blessing to you.
On that day, I also taught my son that black people come from all walks of life and you should not fear any just because they look different from what you are accustomed to seeing in your daily life. Living in Colege Park, I thought Warren had a fair amount of exposure to blacks in different environments. But as it turns out, what he beheld on that day in the Underground frightened him. I guess it's only human to fear that which you do not know. But if you can stop and analyze that what you're seeing is just a different reflection of the same image, you might find you have more in common than you think. Those teenagers dancing on the floor (though dancing quite rambunctiously) could have been using their energy the only way they know how. Perhaps their schools had cut back on Physical Education too. Warren was shocked to find out that when I was in school, we had PE EVERYDAY, whereas he has it once a week now. Maybe they don't have a backyard to play in because they live in small apartments. Maybe they wanted to play sports but were not allowed on the team because their grades were failing because they had teachers who could care less and no one at home to help them with their homework. Slowly, as I began to peel the layers of possibilities about why these kids were there, dancing as they were, it allowed him to feel less afraid. And then, I was able to show him how breakdancing (which he's very into) and other forms of Hip-Hop dancing started the same way.....and now something that was once fearful is exciting. One by one, we could look at people who may seem different (and scary) but if we take the time to think about why they are doing what they are doing, we might discover that they are "just like us!"
But probably the hardest (and the saddest) lesson I had to teach him is that while I don't want him to judge people by their appearance or be afraid of black people because of how they act, so many people do. I shared with him how there are good white people and bad white people, good black people and bad black people, good people of any race/color and bad people of any race/color. It is up to us, as individuals, to see other people as individuals as well. But many choose not to. I asked him, what if he were a little white boy. What if we were a white family, having lunch at the Underground, and he looked and saw the same things he just did, and he was afraid. Using his own words that came out of his mouth, I quoted "I'm scared" and "why are they acting like this?" and "these people are crazy" I then showed him how, if this little white boy's mom was not able to explain to him that those people, those BLACK people were not anyone to be afraid of and that they might be acting the way they are for very valid (and SANE) reasons, that little white boy could grow up afraid of black people and think they are crazy. And that's what has happened a lot of times. Yes, slavery happened a LONG time ago. But the separation persists to where in many instances, whites and blacks fail to understand one another. They are simply UNABLE to peel back those layers and see the commonalities because they are unable to relate. Or they just choose not to. They don't tell their children that they were one intervention (or detox program) away from becoming the alcoholic bum on the street asking for money at their car's side. They don't explain they had sex as teenagers too, but their mom gave them birth control at 15. And because so many white children grow up not understanding black people, they end up fearing them and disliking them. And however unfortunate this situation may be, the last thing we should want to do, as individuals, is contribute to the problem. It may be a heavy burden for a young black boy, but I felt it was important to impress upon my son that for the very things that I just instructed him NOT to do, he should conduct himself and present himself in a way that does justice and good for young black boys everywhere, and ultimately, for the black race.
I once told him that the reason I am so hard on him is because I want him to be the best that he can be because he represents the Blackwells. I explained to him that a last name is very telling. That tells people what family you are from and sometimes, this can be good or bad, depending on the famiy reputation that proceeds you. I asked him at that time, what would he think of a person who said their last name was Obama. He said "that they were smart and a good person". I explained to him how the only thing he knew about them was their last name, but that was enough for him to formulate an opinion about them. They could have been a stupid and bad person, but because of the weight of that name, he would have given them the benefit of the doubt. And conversely, he might fear someone whose last name was Bin Laden. Again, not knowing anything about them, he can make an asumption based on that person's last name. And that name comes up everywhere. From your birth certificate, to every school assignment, to your school and hospital records, to awards and certificates, to job applications and diplomas, to death certificates, the one thing that will follow you wherever you go is your name. Therefore, because he's going to go out into the world, with MY LAST NAME, it is means a lot to me that he reflects and represents all the things we want to be associated with our name. This was quite some time ago that we had this discussion, but that day at the Underground, it came back up.
I used that previous lesson and told him how you have to ask a person or find out their last name. But most times, you can look at a person and tell what race they are. You can look at them and know their gender. So I reminded him of the name conversation, then proceeded to demonstrate how he first and foremost represents young black boys (now) and black men (in his future). He will one day be an example of a black husband and a black father. What is he going to contribute to the reputation of black boys, men, husbands, and fathers? Because, like it or not, people WILL judge you based on your appearance. As wrong as it may be, it happens all the time. And that is why he must dress respectfully, talk respectfully, and act respectfully. That is why he must demonstrate his belief in God by how he treats others (regardless of how others treat him) and he must be the example of what he wants others to think of black (men).
That day at Underground Atlanta ended up costing me a lot of money ($75 boot-removal and $85 to replace my car's battery that same day!) but when I consider the opportunity it provided me to teach my son some valuable lessons, I am thankful that it was indeed an investment.